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I wasn’t as if I had been making the world or anything. I attended two meetings and ran a few quick errands. There was even at least one whole hour of lying down, full-blown rest time in there.  But, yesterday completely wiped me out.

 

As luck would have it, today was a snow day and, even if I hadn’t been so tired, I would have stayed indoors anyway. Even if this had not been a snow day, I would have been stuck here. But I was most definitely not alone.
The Boys

I have two very entertaining boys who were not in school today. We enjoyed some time together, making and eating cookies, and watching Narnia, Prince Caspian.
The Friends

I had  texts from concerned friends when they did not see me online. Ok, I’m either an addict or this is my career. I’m standing firm on the career, but there seems to be a slim line.
Twitter Love

I didn’t totally stay off line. I tweeted here and there and made a few Facebook posts. But again, I received both public and private requests asking how I was feeling. I was really hesitant about this Blog-a-thon and my choice to talk about this procedure openly.  But it has brought me closer to some friends, brought me new ones, and even brought to light a need.
Finding support

I mentioned in the history of all of this that I have Medullary Sponge Kidney (MSK.) Through my efforts to reach out to others with Kidney Stones, I have found at least one other with this problem.  I’m sure there are more, but I found a friend who truly understands the type and extent of my pain.  How many people are out there suffering by timing mind-numbing drugs? How many doctors out there treat MSK like other stones and don’t look at other possible treatment options? Is research being done to find better ways to treat this condition? I don’t know any of these answers, but I know  @LeeAase , Director, Mayo Clinic Center for Social Media.  I’m asking him, and anyone in the medical field, specifically in urology or nephrology to comment on this post and connect with me, with us. We want to find out more.  We want to do more.  We want to be more than drugged up zombies.

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Finding inspiration is hard

It’s 8:50 PM and I’m still trying to come up with my inspiration for blogging today. I have blogged every day with the exception of Christmas Day and Christmas eve, including the days of my procedures.

Giving other people courage

There have been more and more people telling me that they’ve been inspired to blog.  They’ve seen my dedication to posting daily, but more than that they’ve seen other people, and their dedication to blogging. I don’t think  it’s that we’re doing it every single day that’s inspiring these people; it’s that we’re choosing to find things that are meaningful in our lives we feel worthwhile to share. I think because we have the courage to let our guard down, and share intimate thoughts, that gives other people the courage to do the same.

Join us

If you’ve been thinking about taking the blog-a-thon challenge, but you’re too intimidated to do it every single day, just do it. Start today, make that commitment. Maybe it’s not everyday, maybe it’s once a week, or every other day. Whatever it is, make a commitment to YOU.   Start up that blog, and share with us the things  you need to say. Share the things we need to hear.

You Matter

If you’ve been blogging, please know the things you’re saying are reaching people that desperately need to hear your message. Please continue even if you’re struggling with it. We’d love to hear from you, feel free to share your blog in the comments, or to share another blog that has touched you.

 

If Today Was Their Last Day by Dan Perez

This blogger is not one of the blog-a-thon participants,

but this post moved me today.


Like I said I am finding this easier to blog about other stuff than to blog about what I am going through.  At the start I thought I had it under control, (an illusion I know.) I knew what to expect as I have undergone this very procedure before. I even told several people that I knew what to expect, and that I was not going to kid myself about the am

ount of pain and the amount of time I would be out of commission. I also followed those statements with “but this one won’t be as bad, because they (my kidneys) are cleaner than they were the first time, and it is only one side.”

I was so wrongIn the days preceding the procedure, I had some significant kidney pain on the left side. So on the day of my scheduled cleanout, I told the doctor about it and asked that he look into it. I remember him saying “good call on the left kidney” when I woke up. Turns out they did clean out both sides. Over the next few days I had discomfort.  I expected discomfort. What I did not expect was that my pain and discomfort would get worse over the passing days. I wrote it off with the rationalization that you always hurt worse 24-48 hours after a crash.

Gaining more than expected

So I started retaining water, or so I thought. My torso started swelling and over the past few days I have grown to look a solid 8-9 months pregnant! So on top of the pain of the kidneys being beaten from the inside out, and the discomfort of having hard plastic crazy straws stuck inside me, I now had the pressure and discomfort of being pregnant!

I have had x-rays and a CT scan. I have no answers yet. But the doctor did wish to remove the stents tomorrow. It is a bit early and I still have lots of stone fragments that will need to pass. Maybe it is my body rejecting or revolting about the stents. Maybe it is my bottom of the barrel revelation that I do not want to be fat (or pregnant) ever again.  Maybe there is another medical reason for me to be so swollen.  But that is the hardest part: The Uncertainty. I just don’t know what is going on.

Thank you to all my friends for your continued help, support love and prayers.

Content Matters

Below are some of the bloggers participating in the Blog-a-thon.

Name                                              Blog

Stacey Shanks       www.YogaAndLife.com

BgKahuna           www.bgkahuna.com

Zachary Long        www.fenglongphoto.com/blog

Shanna Hall       www.healthyfitandsexy.com

Bonnie Schnautz       www.brenewed.com

Paula Diaco       www.signaramavt.com

Jennifer Tallini        www.yogawithstyle.com/blog/

Mary Biever        Real Life in the River City

Mandy Gregory        www.mamasowngreenclean.com

If you are not on here send me a link to your site and I will add it.

As I mentioned yesterday I tried to reach out to others who were suffering in order to offer hope and encouragement.  I didn’t really let me guard down, express the anxiety I was feeling, and talk about what I was going though.

Wednesday night I let my guard down. I privately DMed my pastor @DaleBeaver

 “Please pray for peace/calm, starting to freak out.”  

 He replied within minutes with a Bible verse that was spot on what I needed to hear. I thought maybe others need to hear it too. So I thanked him and tweeted it publicly. As a side note for those who don’t know me: I am a Christ Follower, but I DO NOT post much “churchy” stuff. I hold more to the – practice kindness talk to people and show your love than the preach it method- that is just WHO I am.)

Much to my surprise this sparked several side conversations, and more DMs from other people. So I posted it on Facebook.

“THANK YOU!! To Dale Beaver who sent this to me via Twitter, at a moment of top stress about tomorrow. (I really NEEDED to hear it) Philippians 4:6-7

 

 Again, this is WAY out of norm for me.  What I found was more and more outpouring of love compassion and caring.  Many more started telling me stories of things they have endured and things they have suffered. And more than one THANKED me. Thanked me for saying I was scared? This seemed off to me, for them to thank me for posting, I was the one who was getting what I needed to hear not them.

There is a difference

When we drop our guard, and let people see we are hurting, or in need of friendship, we find something more special than we could have imagined.

-we find true and new friends alike.

-we find a deeper understanding of people’s beliefs.

-we find out how highly we are valued as people, not for our work, but for who we are.

-we find that through our suffering we can encourage others to be brave.

Baby Robin

If I can stop one Heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one Life the Aching

Or cool one Pain
Or help one fainting Robin
Unto his Nest again
I shall not live in Vain.

Emily Dickinson (1830–1886)

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